Selfish Affection
by Masaki-Hanabusa
Summary: Feliciano has been extra affectionate towards his brother as of late, talking on and on about how much he loves him. Lovino just doesn't understand it . It all started with a dream. M for violence.


A/N: I don't remember how I came up with this story, but I really like it, and I hope you all do to. I may write another part to this, but it just depends on how you guys like it. If you can, please leave a review, let me know if you would want more! I would highly appreciate it. So anyway, please enjoy and thank you all!

* * *

"Veh! I love you fratello!" Feliciano squealed as he latched onto his brother's arm. Lovino glared down at his younger brother, instantly trying to pull the clingy italian from him. Feli was a touchy person, one to constantly invade people's personal bubbles, but recently, the older personification had noticed that his brother was acting clingier than usual.

"Get off, you idiot," Lovino growled, prying his arm out of his brother's grasp. He loved his brother dearly despite how he acted, but Lovino was not a person who liked being touched. Whether Antonio or his little brother, he liked his space, and Feli's new extra clinginess was not putting him in any better of a mood. He could deal with Feli hugging him a few times a day, but it seemed that every time he could, he would latch himself onto him and say how much he loved him or how glad he was that they were living together. It was really getting on his nerves.

"Fratello, you're so mean!' he whined, trying again to latch on, but his hand was slapped away. Feli retracted his hand, looking as if he was punched rather than gently slapped. Lovino simply rolled his eyes. Wanted to avoid future attacks, Lovino left the room to head upstairs, to his room.

As the italian expected, Feli followed him up there also, a few steps behind and watching him with a goofy smile on his lips. Lovino could see out of the corner of his eye that Feli's hands, slightly shaky, were reaching for his own. As he was about to make his move, the older moved his hand away quickly, making it obvious that he saw his plan. It didn't seem to deter him much, for when they reached closer to the room, Feli launched himself at his brother, grabbing his arm with an iron grip and a veh slipping out. That was the last straw after a week of all of this.

"What the hell you doing Feliciano?" Lovino growled after reaching their bedroom, pushing his brother away harder than he wanted. He couldn't deal with his brother's attitude anymore. His behavior was even more bizarre than usual. Feliciano, who had caught himself against the wall looked back at his brother with an expression he hadn't seen on his sweet brother before. An emotion close to rage, no, something darker than that, flashed in his amber eyes. It only lasted long enough to know that it was real, not a trick of the mind, before they changed into his normal cheery expression, though the happiness in his eyes looked strained and false. Feli gave a large grin, though the corners of his mouth twitch.

"Is it so wrong to be so close to my dear Fratello?" Feli asked a little too loud and happy, holding his hands behind his back and rocking back and forth on his heels. This was all too confusing and Lovino really wanted to smack some sort of sense into his brother.

"Yes it is. Give me some god damn space, will you," Lovino spat, giving up on their shared bedroom. He stormed down the hallway, Feli following, and threw open the guest bedroom door. Lovino stepped inside, flipping the lights on and turning around to meet his brother. Feli tried to enter as well, but the southern half held the other back.

"I'm sleeping in the guest room tonight. You can sleep by yourself until you stop being so fucking creepy," he grumbled, no longer caring about the hurt expression on his fratello's face. After more than a week of overly huggy and lovey Feliciano, he had just gotten to a point where he didn't give half a damn.

"I'm not creepy," the smaller northern half responded, looking down at the carpet underneath their bare feet. "I just want to show Fratello that i love him."

The last sentence came out as barely a whisper, pained and quiet. Lovino, however, wasn't listening anymore.

"Good night," Lovino grumbled before slamming the guest door in his brother's face. Half expecting Feli to start pounding away, after a minute of silence, Lovi sighed in relief. Finally a moment of relaxation for himself and him alone. Stripping off his clothes, leaving him only in his boxers, the italian nation slipped in under the covers of the soft guest bed. He extended out his limbs, taking up the entire bed for himself before he closed emerald eyes and drifted off into sleep.

* * *

So much red, ever so delicious red. Emerald eyes were staring back at him, frightened and filled with tears. Lovino's whole beaten body below him shook with terror and pain as a laughter filled the empty grey room. Stroking his bruised cheek gently, a feeling of insane glee bubbled up in his chest, the feeling slipping out between smiling lips in the form of a deranged giggle. Seeing Lovino is such a state, it made Felciano ever so happy and satisfied.

Feliciano looked over his brother's body again, red dying patches in his tan clothes from where Feli had stabbed him with the knife he had gotten from the kitchen. He slipped his stained hand under his brother's clothes, sliding a finger into the wound and swirling it around. Lovino twitched and screamed as he slid his finger a little too deep inside, hands clawing at the dyed carpet beneath. After a moment, the smaller Italian removed his red finger with a small squelch. Looking it over a moment, savouring the red, he brought the finger to his lips, quickly licking away the blood. Lovino could only look up at him in terror and disgust. Feliciano's expression changed from giggly and childish to dark and angry.

"Don't give me that look, fratello," he growled, clutching his brother's lips between his fingers, trying to change his expression. "After all, you should have seen this coming, right?"

Lovino looked confused, a small sound coming from his throat. Feli could only smile, turning away from him to look for his tool. His hands wrapped around the hilt of the bloodied kitchen knife, holding the blade gently between his forefingers.

"I always thought I loved you, fratello. My elder brother Romano Italy." Lovino flinched at the use of his country name. His little brother rarely called him that, unless at world meetings. "But you never-"

Before finishing his sentence, Feliciano plunged the cold blade of the knife deep into Lovino's shoulder, earing a loud scream from the nation. More red bubbled up, dying the tan cloth. Feli removed his hands from his lips and moved to his hair, stroking it as if to ease his pain.

"-loved me back, did you?" Feli finished, ripping out the blade with a large grin. The southern half bit his bottom lip, cutting off his screams and leaving only sobs. Emotion fluctuating violently, Feli's smile shifted into a snarl, fingers roughly grabbing darker locks and shaking back and forth.

"You never loved me, stupid fratello! Always ignored me, always said I was stupid! And I was okay with that, because I always thought I loved you. Loved you like any little fratello should," he growled, so low it was barely a whisper as if to contain all his emotions. His voice was dripping with seething anger. The younger brother smashed his brother's head down by the hair against the ground, pinning his down.

"But I figured something out, fratellone," Feli whispered into his ear, mad giggles slipping out. Lovino could only weep underneath him. The auburn haired nation gripped the knife tighter. "I don't love you, Lovino."

One hand gripped Lovino's neck, nails digging and bruising the flesh, while the other knife wielding hand was raised well above his head, a bead of red dripping down onto Feliciano's light skinned cheek. He had the true look of a madman, smile impossibly wide and eyes devoid of sanity.

"I don't love you Lovino." It came as a childish giggle.

"I don't love you, Lovino!" Feli raised his voice, laughter ringing out through the empty room.

"I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Feli began to shriek, shaking his brother by the neck.

"I HATE YOU!" he screamed, bringing down the knife with all the force he could muster, plunging the cold blade between his brother's emerald eyes, blood oozing out and trickling over his skin. Quickly, he ripped the blade from his skull, a squelch of brains and crunch of bone sounding like a laughter in his ears. Anger and rage boiling inside him. The italian brought the knife down into his brother's face again, stabbing his through the eye.

"I HATE YOU!" This time he stabbed him through the forehead. How dare his stupid brother make fun of him, laugh at him.

"I HATE YOU!" His hands were shaking so badly that he missed his intended mark and ended up sinking the metal into his neck. Stupid Lovino, despite how much he complained about him, he would always rather be with Antonio instead of him, love him more than he loved Feli.

"I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU HATE YOU HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE!"

Every screamed word, he stabbed down, faster, faster, and faster, burying the weapon into any part of his brother's flesh he could. His face, his leg, his stomach, his neck, blood splashing out and dying his hands, his face a deep red and his breath coming out ragged. Finally, he poised the blade above his heart, holding it with both hands.

"I HATE-"

* * *

"I HATE YOU!" Feliciano screamed as he shot up in bed, accidentally kicking off his bed sheets. It took him a minute to realize where he was. He was in his own bed, alone, hands clean and blood free. They were shaking terribly. Trying to catch his breath, Feli rubbed his forehead in his palm, wiping away the beads of sweat. The small nation stood up from his bed and unsteadily made his way to the bathroom, flipping the switch and turning on the cold water. He stuck his head under the running water, holding it there for a moment as he tried to calm himself, steady his hand.

"Again?" Feli whispered to himself, turning off the faucet, but not moving up, simply looking at his hands. They weren't trembling out of fear, but of excitement. He could still feel the knife in his hand, his pulse beating against the metal. How much he missed the feeling of the murder weapon in his clutches scared him.

For the past week, he had been having the same dream, over and over again. Sure, recently Lovino had been ignoring him, not speaking to him, not sleeping with him anymore . But that wasn't reason to hate him. He loved Lovi. Even though it wasn't really just recently. He always degraded him, yelled at him, hit him. But he loved him anyway.

Feli dried his hair with a bath towel, looking at his reflection in the mirror. There were heavy bags under his eyes, had been for over a week. The dreams hadn't made sleeping exactly easy. Not that his stupid older brother would notice. Not stupid, his sweet fratellone.

He gripped the side of the sink until his knuckles turned white, trying to contain emotions he couldn't name. A blend of all sorts, he could feel guilt, that he would do something like that to his brother, even in a dream. Joy that he had done it. Anger, at himself and Lovino. Anger. A lot of anger, boiling rage.

A small laugh slipped through his lips, twisted. How true were his thoughts, the reality that his brother hated him, made a fool of him to both his face and behind. He actually for a moment wished it wasn't a dream. No! He didn't even want it to be a dream! To even be a thought!

Feli took a few minutes to even out his breathing, before tossing the towel that was resting on his head onto the floor. He exited the bathroom and considered trying to go back to sleep. In his empty bed. Empty because Lovino didn't want to sleep with him anymore. Because Lovino hated-No! He didn't sleep with him because he was being too clingy, not because he hated him. Quietly, he stepped out into the dark hall, closing the bedroom door behind him. Bare feet traveling softly across the carpeted hall, Feli stood outside the guest bedroom, staring at the wood door, wondering if he should go in or not. He touched the cold metal of the door knob with his fingertips. After a second of hesitation, he gripped it and slowly turned. It was unlocked, not that it being locked had much sense. After all, it was just the two of them, no dangers.

He cracked the door open and peered inside. It was dark, but he could make out Lovi's sleeping form on the bed in the corner of the room, surrounded by an excess amount of pillow. The small nation slipped inside, closing the door behind him and locking it. He wasn't sure why he locked it, but it was such a simple motion, he couldn't not do it. He felt more comfortable with it locked.

He sat down on the corner of the bed, looking back at his brother who only hugged his pillow tighter at the shift in weight. Reaching out, he brushed the dark locks out of his brother's closed eyes. He half expected Lovino to wake up at the touch but he only continued to lightly snore. Amber eyes moved from his brother's face to his neck.

Defenseless, vulnerable, how easy it would be just to snap his neck?

No! He wouldn't hurt his brother! He loved his brother! He wouldn't hurt him! No matter how much his hands felt incomplete without Lovi's neck clutched between them. No!

Feli's moved the covers back , slipping in next to his brother. Wrapping his arms around his waist and placing his head on his shoulder, Feli tried to soak up the feeling of sleeping beside his brother, to forget the nightmare. Lovino grumbled under him, pulling away in his sleep and rolling away onto his side, out of his brother's grasp. How very like him. Even asleep, he avoided him.

On the verge of tears, conflicted emotions pounding inside his skull, Feli curled up against his brother, resting his forehead between his shoulder blade and shutting his eyes.

He loved his brother. Loved Lovino. Love. Love. Love. Love. He swore he loved his brother! He wouldn't hurt him! He wouldn't dare yank Lovino's hair so roughly it woke him from his sleep and then proceed to punch him in his angered, half asleep face he would wake up in. No! He wouldn't! He would just sleep there beside him, then take the yelling Lovi would give him in the morning for sneaking into his bed.

He loved his brother. Love. Love. Love. Hate him. I hate him, I hate, love him? I don't know? No! Love!

Feli felt tears prick out from the corner of his eyes. He didn't know how he even felt about anything anymore. He didn't know what emotions were true or what was a mask. He didn't know. All he knew for certain was that his hands ever so desperately wanted to grab Lovi by the throat, and strangle, quick and easy. Disturbed and horrified at himself, Feliciano wrapped his arms around his brother's torso and began to cry into his back, conflicting emotions pounding in his skull until he drifted into uneasy sleep.

* * *

A/N: I really love this fic, but it took me forever to write this.

Just to clear things up, Feli is acting extra affectionately towards Romano, to the point it being a bit creepy, is to prove to himself that he loves his brother and that the murderous, hateful feeling is false. But dreams are supposed to reflect subconscious desires and feelings though, right? I'm explaining this because my friend who read this before I posted it said it was very confusing. I liked how it is though, so I didn't really change much. Does it make sense to you all?

Anyway, please leave a review if you can. It always appreciated it you do. And thank you all again for reading! Until next time!


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